so here goes nothing...

a couple minutes ago I was thinking how I'm not ready for this year, and I'm scared for it.

But I think I will change my own mindset. I hate that inspirational shit, like, "You can do anything!" (because you can't do ANYTHING, you're human).

With that said, I am changing it up. Sure, I don't know what is going to happen within this next year. I could lose so much, and gain so much, but I've decided that no matter what, I promise to myself that I will be ready. Maybe this means I will be more standoffish, or less trustworthy, but I am going to take whatever bad shit happens and move on and know that in a month I will be over it. So I'm diving into this year fuckin' head on. Nothing is more important, in the long run, than me feeling good and real, so fuck anyone who is going to try and bring me down this year, 'cause I won't take it. And I am damn serious. This isn't like me, I know, but when something gets me down I can look back at this and keep my head up. I know that I have friends who think I am a good person, and who will always be there for me. I'm good. I'm going to make it out of this year... 

alive.

so here goes nothing.

End of Summer Glory

okay. you guys BETTER appreciate this blog cause it took me so long to arrange the pictures. anyone who uses blogger knows what im sayin'...

anyway, i have to say that this was definitely the best weekend of this summer. which is weird cause its also the last, but at least i know i ended it well  (!)

friday

on friday i wokeup in my bed with maddy and anna in the other room. my mom told me we were going to try to get tickets to outside lands. so i got maddy and anna up and out and got dressed, put on some doc martens and was outta there. me and my mom took bart to san francisco and had a very long and interesting bus ride. old ladies are interesting, thats all im gonna saya bout that. we finally got there and there was NO one in line for tickets. so we got our tickets. 95$ paid for it myself, and we got in a surprisingly short line after going to the bathroom.

we got in and headed toward the main stage. people was runnin for that shit yaknow? 

we got our seats. we were there super early, like 1. first band started at 5, haha. sooooo we setup camp

MOM fasho

i sat down n chilled during steel pulse the reggae vibrations were intensity in the city.

met up with my lady of course

we saw cold war kids. i loved it cause they all looked homeless for the most part. oooh they were fantastic and lovely

hello thats so RIDICULOUS ARTWORK I SAY

then beck decided to showup. late, by the way. but he was gnarlawesome.

mistuh beck again with his awesome band

fences were torn down.

and then i saw radiohead. 

i say i loved it

yeah i was far away from the stage.goes without saying we didnt get to stand where we originally intended cause my mom got trampled ;(

after that awesome show the atmosphere was pure smoke...

just a few people.. you kno

so tired on bart. i got NUTS

saturday

was lovely. basically chilled with mariam watchin plastic surgery shows. yayy.

went to sf at like 7 o clock.

went to this kid ben's house who i dont know but was uber awesome. max lived there too. it was cool people. i was tired and i kept passing out but i snuck a picture. that was a fun night fasho

sunday

wokeup in a pink camo sleeping bag on a couch

ouch

fire escape from the windowww

i booked it right quick to get home and wandered around that area in SF for awhile

got a delish sammich from staaahbucks/

turkey pesto baguette... chyeah!!!

ah and the cherry on top of the weekend was spending time with my other half.

who doesnt love that roight?

ahhhlirhght now im ready for school. chyeah right.

but ima go see if i can get summa dat pasta from my dad he just made and ill try to watch somethin on TEEVEE. 

school starts in like 2 or 3 days

enjoy the resta yaaa'aals summers!

p.s. read these. i cant stop listnin to this song (land locked blues by bright eyes)

and laura's asleep in my bed
as I'm leaving she wakes up and says
"I dreamed you were carried away on the crest of a wave
baby don't go away, come here"

and there's kids playing guns in the street
and one's pointing his tree branch at me
So I put my hands up I say:
"Enough is enough,
If you walk away I walk away."
(and he shot me dead)

I found a liquid cure
for my landlocked blues
it will pass away
like a slow parade
it's leaving but I don't know how soon

and the world's got me dizzy again
you'd think after 22 years I'd be used to the spin
and it only feels worse when I stay in one place
so I'm always pacing around or walking away
I keep drinking the ink from my pen
and I'm balancing history books up on my head
but it all boils down to one quotable phrase
"If you love something give it away"
A good woman will pick you apart
a box full of suggestions for your possible heart
But you may be offended, and you may be afraid
but don't walk away, don't walk away

We made love on the living room floor
with the noise in the background from a televised war
And in the deafening pleasure I thought I heard someone say
"If we walk away,they’ll walk away"
But greed is a bottomless pit
And our freedom's a joke we're just taking a piss
And the whole world must watch the sad comic display
If you're still free start runnin' away
'cause we're comin' for ya!

I've grown tired of holding this pose
I feel more like a stranger each time I come home
So I'm making a deal with the devils of fame
Sayin' let me walk away, please
You'll be free child once you have died
from the shackles of language and measurable time
And then we can trade places, play musical graves
till then walk away walk away walk away walk away
So I'm up at dawn, putting on my shoes
I just want to make a clean escape
I'm leaving but I don't know where to
I know I'm leaving but I don't know where to

<3

my school schedule

english 3 honrs/disher
geometry/howard (yes i am mathematically retarded)
US history/smith
Geology/Kravitz
Art 1/carbone (thank jesus)
adv drama/meehan
off campus 7


i cant say im excited to go back to school, wait, yes i can!
i am super excited.. i cannot lie.
i love having a schedule and knowing what im doing and having work and i love fucking DRAMA and im so damn excited for art1


meow mewowjoad :)

YES I AM SORRY I AM JUST SO EXCITED

no one else
i dont think i have any classes wth anyone i love
oh well

Purrrfection

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Testing, 1..2..

I'm posting this as a test from my iPhone and just hoping it works. If you're reading this you should read my previous post( if you haven't yet ). Soooo I don't feel too good. Disneyland tomorrow, and I'm excited for that!
Adiós

hey dad

i dont want to make this a huge deal or anything, i just need to vent a little.

my dad isnt physically abusive and im really thankful for that.
but he likes to , i cant think of the word, make people feel small, like, fucking i dont know.
any mistake he goes on and on and on and on and on and i end up crying and my mom ends up feeling like shit. i know she must feel like shit, just hearing him talk to her makes me feel belittled. maybe thats the word i was looking for.
he lieks to make me feel so fucking stupid. he thinks he is this great person and a role model but he is the biggest asshole i know. he just wants me to feel like an idiot. he thinks that i am going to learn that way. but its not just learning, its so emotionally scarring to me. he just says shit like
"thats the stupidest thing ive ever heard!"
"YOUVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME"
all i fucking did was buy a cheap camera with a fisheye lens. give me a fucking break dad.
he wont leave me alone.
then he goes on to yell at my mom for accepting donations for this even we do in december.
hes an idiot. i do not respect him at all.
i dont, i dont, i dont. he wont ever realize what he does to me.
he makes me feel like the stupidest most worthless person on the face of the earth.

but i guess the worst things inspire some good things. not like this is good. well, it isnt bad i guess...

LittleLoca

So i discovered a YouTube user named LittleLoca. Basically an 18 year old cholita living in east los angeles.

well i watched her first video and immediately thought that this must be a character someone made up. but i watched more of her videos.
after concluding that it was horrible and must be fake... i typed in "is littleloca real?"

and i found a video in it with the girl who plays little loca. now i dont really care that someone makes characters and plays them, but she said basically... anyone who doesnt like me playin littleloca, FUCK OFF.

again i dont care that she does it. the only thing i dont like is that the character is horribly done. it sounds like she was trying to sound hispanic, but her accent was horrible. it was just completely unbelievable.
and she used no spanish when she was talking ever. i have been around alot of hispanics because of where my dad works and usually i will here them say a spanish word here and there. well i was waiting for this "cholita" to say anything in spanish, but that never happened. and, for god sake, she says homegirl every other sentence.

well... moral of the story is... if youre going to try and be an actress, at least do a decent character.

guck but i cant stop watching anyway
gooday

pioneer

i wish that i lived in the pioneer days.

it seems like it wouldve been so excited

and no one was an arrogant asshole about anything but trading

lets brave this frontier like no otha motha fucka

and this came up when i typed pioneers

so uhHHHH that concludes this post...

burn down the walls in front of everyone so they see you and me dancing in our sleeping clothes with two big smiles and a bowl of hope

On the agenda for today's post

-haircut
-dress
-hamster
-new poll
-facepainting

alright alright. i cut mariams hair but of course iphone isnt quite in the mood to upload pictures. maybe in a little bit.... got my iphone to upload... here are before and after picturesssssss

before

aaaaaaaaafterrrr


i just finished an ice cream sandwich mmmm.

first today i went to buffalo exchange to sell and buy clothes. well to make a long story short i sold nothing. nada.
but i still bought two new dresses and a pair of jeans >.< (does that face apply here) i am stuck on clothing from another culture or era. i feel like this one is fifties. or maybe farmer girl? in any event... if you look closely you can see hammich in my collar (:

i like this picture most        ^^^^^

that lump in my back is mr ham sandwich. he likes the dress. which i guess is a good thing!
yep yep
dont get mad at me!

also i am really bipolar with my music right now. usually i hate when people use that word to refer to something other than the mental illness but thats the only way i can describe it. im listening to really sad songs that make me want to cry, and then i switch over to the happiest darn stuff ive ever heard. but its all her space holiday. i cant get away from mark bianchi and his lovely lovely face voice box.

i have a new poll! definitely fill that out! i thought definitely was spell definately... but oh well >:0

today i went to an A's game to face paint for some kids fest they do once in awhile. i have done it before but jsut once and it was nothing special. but i got 150 dollars for three hours ! 

apparently me and my mom did so good they want us to facepaint every single time! thats pretty amazing. im not that good at facepainting or anything...

mm pizza pockets and ice cream sammiches galore.

i want to see the movie spinal tap. grrrah

im really excited to go back to schooooooool. i miss having a routine.

btw if my life were a movie..

mariam would be halle berry

i would be angelina jolie hahahahaha yah right! no but uhm angelina jolie in girl, interrupted. so hawt

and jake would beeeeeeeeee zach braff.

i have no idea what im talking about

i love my life right now. disneyland in two days!!!!!

what awhwhrahr!

thats all for now! bye bye bye byebyebyebeybe

p.s. i wish i could do an advice column but no one would ever trust my advice :(

but i kinda have good advice

if you have any idea how i could do that... send me a myspace mssage or soemthing.

love you all bye. 

snip snip cut

alright so today im going to cut my good friend mariam's hair.
i shall take a before photo and an after photo.
it should turn out pretty good and maybe more people will trust me to cut their hair ;)
check back later- i will post when it is updated!

also, while im here, ill say that i have some ideas for songs and hopefully i get in gear and write some new stuff. look forward to it!

new design and a dream

yeah so i had this new design of my blog. i realized that this is the only template for me! 

this weekend will hold...

haha, yeah, disneyland. me, my parents, and jake. it will be as interesting as it will be fun I'm thinking.  I cant stop listening to her space holiday. check him out on myspace or something. he makes amazing music. 

my dream last night was something funky... i shall recall it in segments

(1) I'm at Jake's house meeting his mom for the first time. i had met his dad before, and he is awesome, just like he is in real life, but for some reason i hadn't met his mom. when i did meet his mom, it was this blonde lady who was super christian and kept criticizing me on everything i was doing and saying that it was unchristian to cross my legs. of course i wanted to impress her cause she was my boyfriend's mom, but i was so confused as to how such a cool dad could marry such a crazy mom. 

for the record, in real life, i love his mom and his dad. they're incredibly nice and funny and i love seeing them when i go over to jake's

(2) there was a girl making fun of me who was also blonde and very not nice to me at all. she was always looking at me and laughing and teasing me. so finally i went up to her and said something like... if you really have something to say to me why don't you say it to my face instead of to all your friends and be a man about it.

she got really upset or something. but everyone started cheering me on... so that was cool...

(3)so this part is a little weird. it involves someone i know in real life but I'm not going to name them. i will call him john for the sake of storytelling. er, dream-telling. so in my dream, john was very forward and he hit on me a lot. and was very physical. not harmful to me just weirdly physical. so finally when he was acting up, i hit john and he got hurt. then he said he was going to tell on me to his dad. so next thing i know, I'm looking at this makeup stand with glitter makeup or something... then i get a phone call from john's dad who sounds vewwy angwy. after yelling at me for hurting his precious son, i tell him that his son molested me... or something. that was a weird segment. 

by the way if anyone wants to comment on how many times i say 'something' in this blog... go for it!

hm so that is all i remember right now, i may add another segment if i remember.

also last night i was looking in on scientology and seeing why everyone hates it so much. it was weird. i went to http://www.scientology.com and its a bunch of stuff about living like a better person. nothing about the thetons. (if you dont know what a theton is- its the evil alien soul trapped in all of our bodies that xenu put into us.. yes that is what scientologists believe).

i mean.. its all fun and games until someone gets killed because they couldnt audit their thetons. holy guacamole. scientology is very disturbing. they deem people Fair Game. aka leaders grant any scientologist the permission to harm any one enemy. aka one who is combatting scientology. i would be scared to even challenge them because they seem to be ruthless people who want your money. despite what that south park episode portrays them to be... not that i dont love south park.

this is all too much information for one blog!

anyways. ima put some links for my favorite webcomics up and you should check em out. also i will post blogs i like from other people. 

dont forget! do that poll i have in the sidebar!

 

have a jolly day everyone ;)

im not so lonely

this would be a cat named miranda. i named it muhself!

santa cruz was, dare i say, ubersexual.

i feel bad for cheerleaders. having been one many years ago, i know that it is hard work. the actual performance isnt as hard but in practice you run many laps. i would say its on par with a musical in difficulty. so show some respect. cheerleaders know that they dont work as hard as people who play other sports do, but dont dis them so... it is hard shit.

i am taking this as a sign. 

yesterday i was in santa cruz with friends and i was thinking that today would be horrible because i was going to spend time along again.

this secret seems to be just for me :)

love, not so lonely

hey there

arielrosesays: what is there to do in this cockroach ridden city?

pigeonboyK: drugs and think of stuff to do

pigeonboyK: but the drugs first.

summer is not exciting. i do not like it very much at all, to be honest.

i miss someone who i shoudlnt. but ive almost forgotten them. so it's okay.

no regrets..