Thanksgiving.

They're there to help you, provide for you, keep you safe.

Parent: noun: mother or father.



Now I don't know about you, but that is one of the broadest descriptions I've ever heard. I always thought a parent was supposed to take care of you and be there for you, and that was the definition of a good parent.
Now I've come to the realization that in order to be a good parent, by definition, all you have to do is make the baby. You could leave it on the hospital steps on the way out, and you're still it's parents.

I'm not really sure what the point is. I've always gotten a lot of shit when I said i didn't like my parents, or said they were bad parents. People take a look around my room, at my iphone, my computer, my fucking canon rebel and they think to themselves that I'm spoiled and my parents give me everything I want. They're wrong.
I don't want all of this.
I want support. I want them to realize that what they do affects me. I want to go back in time, I want the nurse that handed the baby to my mom and dad to say,
"hey, don't leave her to raise herself. Just be there"

this is stupid because I hate when people post blogs talking about shit in their life and announcing to the world. Maybe I'm just ungrateful. Maybe I'm just fucking sad.

Who do I blame for it?
You?
Myself?

I guess I'm just hostile because of the absence and the yelling and all the dumb shit parents do.

I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. I appreciate my parents. I honestly do.
They've given me everything I have, but it doesn't mean I have to like them.

You always see in movies that girl whose parents give her everything and she's all spoiled and a bitch and what not.
Maybe her parents just are never there.
Maybe they want to make up for the fact that they treat her like an adult.
Maybe she wasn't ready to be treated like an adult.

For god sake, I wasn't ready to be treated like an adult...
I'm only 17.
You can't just leave me alone with money and food and the neccesities and expect everything to be okay. Especially from when I was only in kindergarten.

No memories, I have no memories.
I want to be treated like a 5 year old by someone.
I want someone to take me in their arms and realize that I'm not old enough to go through all of this on my own.

I want you all to know that I realize I'm one of the billions of children that feel this way too.

I don't think I'm worse off,
we all got fucked.

for me

It sorta feels like half of me just decided that it didnt like the other half.
so it got up and walked off...
now im half of what i used to be...

but wait, what if that was the bad half?
what if that was the half that always brought me down?


hm...

my dream

last night i dreamt that i was babysitting a little kid in my room when all the sudden my dad bursted in.
he started ripping shit off my walls and yelling about it, like he was mad about what was on my walls and stuff.
then he went onto my computer and started opening all my writing files up and changing them and deleting them. i was basically hysterical freaking out so i ran to the kitchen to tell my sister and mom but they both were laughing. everyone i told just laughed (except for one person who understood).

it sucked